So I know I never post anymore hardly. I find that maybe it's less exciting to read about happiness. Because when you don't have it, it depresses you. And when you do have it, you're probably off being happy, not reading all my lovey-dovey crap. Plus, drama and scandal makes for a better read any day!
I used to be a great candidate for that. I was all about taboo shit, breaking rules, crossing lines, then wondering why my world had come crashing down. Now, I'm happy, I'm stable, and I'm essentially living on cloud 9 with my amazing girlfriend. Gag you, I know! If i wasn't so damn happy, I'd say gag me too.
The only thing I really keep coming back to that is any kind of drama is Natalie. We haven't spoken in months, with the exception of the email exchange a few weeks ago. I've been reading through old emails and blog posts, and even showed O.C. a few pictures of Natalie (I figured she was at least curious) and it has really taken me back. I met Natalie for the first time (well, like knew her name, not just served her coffee) almost a year ago exactly. Anyway, I'm pretty sure she's still unhappy, and even though I've moved on and have found happiness, I want to be there for her. Just a little bit. It's in my nature. But I realize I lost that option a long time ago when we crossed the friendship line. I think that's why I want to help her so bad. I know she needs a good friend and is so good at bottling up her real feelings that no one really knows what she's going through.
I guess at the end of the day, I just need to accept that she is out of my life and that the moment we crossed that line from friends to something more, I lost my opportunity to be in her life. Well, she lost the opportunity to have me in hers, I should say. But I really think we could have been good friends. Although, maybe the real reason we met was so that I could eventually meet O.C. I think I like that reason better.
Alright, that's enough for now. Time for bed.
