So I have this really annoying thing called writer's block. It's amazing I can even write a blog entry. I sat in my room yesterday for 3 hours trying to write even one verse to a song. Instead, I wrote nothing but scribbles on a page and left the room pissed off. I have about 10 different ideas for songs, but can't seem to get any of them out. I don't know exactly what's causing it, but I have my suspicions that Natalie is behind it. Half of my ideas for songs are about her. Don't take that the wrong way though. It's not a result of needing or missing her. I just wasn't done telling her off. And I felt like it was unfair to O.C. for me to keep writing about Natalie when I was clearly over her and in a happy relationship. I haven't been able to write a song about how in love with her I am either. She says she doesn't mind and doesn't need a song, but that's her just being supportive and cute. If your girlfriend wrote songs for a living, you'd want at least one about your love wouldn't you?
So I tried going through old blogs that Natalie and I wrote back and forth to each other. They were depressing and a bit pathetic. I was really in deep. So far that i couldn't see how desperate I was. That's not love. I was chasing her, knowing full well that she wasn't available. She knew it and let me. I knew it and let myself. It was a lose-lose from the start. It's a shame really that I have to keep talking about this, too. You're probably all reading this thinking 'get over it!' I feel that way a lot too. I feel like emotionally I am over her though, just not creatively. And it's sad to say, but angry and sad songs are much easier to write than happy ones. If I can just get one last song about her out, I think I could be done with it for good and move onto more experiences. It's very frustrating not being able to do the thing you feel like you were put on this earth to do. I have to write a personalized song for a wedding that I am in on Sept. 3 so I better get over this soon and on that one stat! I know that writer's block is just a state of mind and I have to push through. But it's been going on for nearly a year now, so breaking the habit of assuming my craft is broken is harder than you might think.
I'll keep you posted on my progress.
So I tried going through old blogs that Natalie and I wrote back and forth to each other. They were depressing and a bit pathetic. I was really in deep. So far that i couldn't see how desperate I was. That's not love. I was chasing her, knowing full well that she wasn't available. She knew it and let me. I knew it and let myself. It was a lose-lose from the start. It's a shame really that I have to keep talking about this, too. You're probably all reading this thinking 'get over it!' I feel that way a lot too. I feel like emotionally I am over her though, just not creatively. And it's sad to say, but angry and sad songs are much easier to write than happy ones. If I can just get one last song about her out, I think I could be done with it for good and move onto more experiences. It's very frustrating not being able to do the thing you feel like you were put on this earth to do. I have to write a personalized song for a wedding that I am in on Sept. 3 so I better get over this soon and on that one stat! I know that writer's block is just a state of mind and I have to push through. But it's been going on for nearly a year now, so breaking the habit of assuming my craft is broken is harder than you might think.
I'll keep you posted on my progress.
