At least she's something to smile about

With the exception of my truly crappy day at work, life is good. Love life is good. Although maybe I shouldn't call it that. I don't want to jinx it. Isn't it funny how we can become so hyper sensitive about simple things like the common phrase 'love life', or signing a card 'Love,.." when feelings are involved. I caught myself doing that today with the card. After work, I dropped by O.C.'s, knowing she wasn't home, to leave a card in her mailbox. I filled it out right before i dropped it off, and as I was signing it, I hesitated and opted out of signing it Love,. Instead I put Miss you, and then went back and drew a little heart next to my name. It's like, I don't want her to think I'm saying something I'm not, but maybe one day i will say it, but I can't even talk about that now cuz I'll jinx it and I hope it's not too late and blah blah blah drive myself crazy  a little more. It makes me laugh though.

I hope she likes my card. I happened to have a random blank Thank You note in my car and I know I won't see her til at least Saturday afternoon if not later so I wanted her to know through more than a text that I was thinking about her. She was really great today when I was at work and told her about my bad day. She was very supportive and had advice for me on what to do and I could tell she was genuinely concerned about it. That makes me smile. I feel so lucky, cheesy as that sounds. We have so much in common. She makes me laugh til no end. She turns me on like no one ever has. She is incredibly sexy and smart and so many things that I have been looking for. All in one bundle. I told her the other night that while no one is perfect and to be called perfect would be a lot of pressure, she is the closest thing I have found to it. I sometimes have trouble getting my words out around her because it's hard to describe something you've never experienced before. But she is amazing to me and I am so happy when I am with her.

I think my mom is seriously wondering about the type of relationship me and O.C. have. I've spent the night at her place the last 3 nights in a row, maybe even 4. And I used to lie and space it out more when my mom asked where I was or who I was with. But then I realized A. I'm not 14 and B. I'm not doing anything wrong. So she knows I've slept over her place this entire week. It's funny, I can hear it in her voice. She really wants to know, she wants to ask me about it, but she won't. I think part of her fears the answer and that's why. Plus, she's always been very respectful of my personal business/space. I'd like to tell her, I just don't know when I'll be able to. There's no time like the present, I know. But every time I think about it, I think of all the reasons why I could never go through with it. For one, what would I even say? 'Mom, I'm gay.' Too scary. 'Mom, I like the ladies and the ladies like me.' Too creepy. 'Mom, I have a girlfriend whose house I sleep over a lot and we sleep in the same bed but good news, I'm not pregnant!' That's actually more likely to happen. Leave it to me to make a joke out of something that really defines a huge part of who i am.

Well, I think I'm going to finish my Honey Brown beer, play a chord or two on the guitar and go to bed. I have to go into work early tomorrow to clean up the mess I made today. Figuratively speaking, of course. :/ At least I have O.C. going for me. :) Which, b-t-dubs, I told her I have this blog and that it basically chronicles our entire dating history and all my inner thoughts about her, haha. Maybe I'll let her read it eventually. Maybe. We'll see. Ok later!