My dog died Thursday morning. I watched her take her last breath. It was the hardest thing I think I've ever had to do. No one else was around and there was nothing I could do to help her. I just held her paw and pet her and told her how much everyone loved her and was going to miss her.
Her health had been declining over the last year. She was 12 and a half, with diabetes, prone to seizures and growing weaker everyday. I knew if she made it through the night we'd be taking her to the vet to be put down in the morning. But she never made it that long. Heidi took her final, tired breath at 3:40am on January 13th, 2011. Just before she died, I said a prayer. I asked God to take her out of this world as soon as possible, so she didn't have to suffer any longer than she already had. I could see the fear on her face and pain in her eyes. She was scared and confused. I just wanted it to be over for her. Within minutes of my prayer, she died. I've gone back and forth on my religious beliefs over the last few years, but I truly believe He answered my prayer that night.
I cried for nearly an hour, with my dead dog by my side. I texted O.C. as she was dying. It was so hard to be there, alone, watching my puppy suffer. She woke up and told me to hug her and just be there for her. So I did. After that, I just laid down next to her and tried to sleep so that the morning would come sooner.
About an hour and a half later, when my mom woke up for work, she came out and I told her about Heidi's passing. We both cried and I called my sister to tell her the news. I could barely choke out the words, "Heidi died this morning." It's gut-wrenching. Losing a pet is like losing a family member as far as I am concerned. She was a loyal and friendly dog, who was always there to listen, never judged me, never had a mean bone in her body, and loved unconditionally.
I will miss my puppy forever, but I know that she is in a better place, playing with all the other beloved pets from other families. And we will be together again one day. I love you Heidi, wherever you are.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Happy New Year
Has it been over a month since I've posted? Yeah, that sounds about right. It's not like nothing ha happened. Tons of stuff has. Really good stuff. But I get this laziness (almost just typo'd leziness haha) after a while of doing something. Anything really. Even if I like it. Like posting, or writing songs, or promoting myself so that I can one day be a famous singer-songwriter or published writer. It becomes a task more than anything. P.S. I'm listening to a really good song right now. It's "Breathe Again" by Sara Bareilles. She's very good. I saw her live this summer at Lilith Fair. How gay of me, right? I saw lots of lezzies that day.
Ok back from A.D.D. land. It's a new year, I must write a new post!
So O.C. and I are STILL doing great. We're still happy and in love and all that jazz. But I see us progressing to a real relationship. Let me clarify. I hate the term 'honeymoon stage' because I don't like to think our happiness is a stage. But we're getting more and more comfortable with each other, so our true feelings are coming out more. Both good and bad. Not even bad, just matter of fact. Instead of seeing her later maybe, it's when am i going to see you and if it's longer than a night i need to know and please don't keep me waiting too long. I get it. I miss her a ton too but, i don't know. Sometimes I still need my alone time too. I feel bad saying that though. I don't want less of her, I just need a little bit for me. It's not a huge deal. I think this is natural. I am adjusting to life as a "we" instead of just life as a "me". It's worth it. She is absolutely worth it.
Work is going very well. Quite a change from the summer when I hated my job and my bosses and my life from 9-5 everyday. I like working with different people everyday in the service industry. Yeah I meet some crazies and deal with some BS, but I really like my boss and it will never be as bad as my last job. A few weeks ago I got this award from the CEO of the company for writing a little jingle about their product. I wrote it without any intent of it getting farther than the open mic I host, but I guess everything happens for a reason, and this did. I can tell some of my co-workers are not too thrilled. I don't know if it's jealousy or if they just want someone to be mad at because I haven't been with the company very long and already so much is happening for me. I don't really care much though. I'm doing my thing and that's all that matters. No one knows I'm gay at work. Well, with the exception of my boss' boss' boss. He's the one who got my song to the CEO. He's been very helpful and supportive of me the last few weeks and was totally cool when I came out to him. It's nice to know I can find advocates higher up the ladder too. Who knows where everything will lead but I'm excited to find out.
What else? I'm on my 2nd beer of the night, in bed mind you, after an 8.5 hour shift. I don't feel like thinking anymore. I feel like drifting off after a few quick final swallows. That's a strange thing to say. So I'll leave you with that. Who knows when I'll write again so HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ok back from A.D.D. land. It's a new year, I must write a new post!
So O.C. and I are STILL doing great. We're still happy and in love and all that jazz. But I see us progressing to a real relationship. Let me clarify. I hate the term 'honeymoon stage' because I don't like to think our happiness is a stage. But we're getting more and more comfortable with each other, so our true feelings are coming out more. Both good and bad. Not even bad, just matter of fact. Instead of seeing her later maybe, it's when am i going to see you and if it's longer than a night i need to know and please don't keep me waiting too long. I get it. I miss her a ton too but, i don't know. Sometimes I still need my alone time too. I feel bad saying that though. I don't want less of her, I just need a little bit for me. It's not a huge deal. I think this is natural. I am adjusting to life as a "we" instead of just life as a "me". It's worth it. She is absolutely worth it.
Work is going very well. Quite a change from the summer when I hated my job and my bosses and my life from 9-5 everyday. I like working with different people everyday in the service industry. Yeah I meet some crazies and deal with some BS, but I really like my boss and it will never be as bad as my last job. A few weeks ago I got this award from the CEO of the company for writing a little jingle about their product. I wrote it without any intent of it getting farther than the open mic I host, but I guess everything happens for a reason, and this did. I can tell some of my co-workers are not too thrilled. I don't know if it's jealousy or if they just want someone to be mad at because I haven't been with the company very long and already so much is happening for me. I don't really care much though. I'm doing my thing and that's all that matters. No one knows I'm gay at work. Well, with the exception of my boss' boss' boss. He's the one who got my song to the CEO. He's been very helpful and supportive of me the last few weeks and was totally cool when I came out to him. It's nice to know I can find advocates higher up the ladder too. Who knows where everything will lead but I'm excited to find out.
What else? I'm on my 2nd beer of the night, in bed mind you, after an 8.5 hour shift. I don't feel like thinking anymore. I feel like drifting off after a few quick final swallows. That's a strange thing to say. So I'll leave you with that. Who knows when I'll write again so HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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