This is going to be quick but that's okay. Here are some updates. First, I'm set to move out of my parents and in with O.C. by next week. I bought the car from my parents (for a higher price than I thought necessary but whatever) and will be free from them soon! Not that I don't love my parents and appreciate all they do for me, but I'll surely go crazy if I don't get out on my own like now! 25 is too old for chores I've been doing since I was 13.

I'm excited to live with O.C. I think it will work out great. We have practically been living together for like 6 or 7 months anyway. I'm excited to have my own space And also amspace where we can be ourselves. We're thinking of having a little house warming once I get settled and all my stuff put away. But we can only invite people who know about us. That severly limits O.C.s list and a little bit of mine. It just makes me realize how stupid it is that I have to hide who I am and what our relationship is. But I guess that's life and society right now. Oh also, once I get settled we're planning on getting a puppy!! Yay puppies. Yellow, female, English lab puppy. WAit til you see pictures, cutesy puppy ever!

Alright that's all for now. I gotta get ready for work. Thanks for reading my blog and bearing with the inconsistent posting. Sorry in advance for the typos!

Losing It

I’ve been super stressed out lately and losing my patience very easily. It’s especially frustrating because I have prided myself on being “the most patient person I know” for years. I find myself snapping at people I care about that are only trying to help, losing my cool in stressful situations at work and generally just feeling flustered and annoyed. I don’t know what’s happening to me but I know I don’t like it. It’s not like I’m a smoker who’s craving a cigarette or something. And I’m not pms-ing. I feel like I need to have some sort of release.  Like taking a baseball bat to something breakable or having a really good cry. I have felt like there’s another good cry left in me my over my puppy, Heidi, who died in front of me back in January. It was as dramatic as it sounds. In fact, just thinking about it makes me choked up. 

I’m also pretty stressed out by my dad. I’m moving in with O.C. at the end of the month and I feel like even though I’m doing it to get away from his need to control everything, actually cutting that cord is proving to be harder than I thought. Then there’s the whole money issue and never having enough of it. I wish my 21yr old self could have seen the importance of saving then so my 25yr old self had a better savings account. Which brings me to my job and where I am compared to where I want to be. Don’t get me wrong, I like my job but it’s tough to pay all the bills I have and will be having soon on the hourly wage I’m making. But I don’t want to be trapped in another office job I hate. That proved to be detrimental to my spirit and mental health. I need to do something I can be good at and find happiness in. Forever, that answer has been music but I’m still holding myself back. Fear of failure is actually making me fail by never trying. What a concept. 

All these things are floating around in my head and I don't know how to get a grip on them. Why didn’t anyone warn me that growing up was going to be so hard? I don’t know what is going on but I know I need to figure it out soon before everything spins completely out of control. 

Although, I will say this. The one thing that isn't falling apart or in complete disarray in my mind is my relationship. For once, that is the most sound and healthy thing in my life. Thank God for O.C. And for good friends who help keep me in check and positive when I feel like I'm losing it. I just gotta push through this rough patch.