Patience pays...in progress :)

Ahh has it really been a week since I last posted something? I'm so sorry to keep you out of the loop! A lot has happened in 7 days. Where should I start? How about last Monday.

I was chatting with O.C. online last Monday on my lunch break (not during work hours of course...) and i forget exactly how or why it came up but she said she led a pretty boring life and wished it was more exciting. So i took this as an opportunity to suggest that i help make it more exciting and we hang out. (My friends keep telling me to play the game and let her come to me and all that crap but I refuse to play by these silly rules. I do what i want! This time it worked.) So we made plans to grab some dinner Tuesday after I got off work. I'm trying to think when the last time I saw her was... the concert maybe? I can't remember, is that bad? I think it was. Anyway, as always, I was excited to see her. I picked her up around 7:45ish, after my late meeting was over. She must think I'm the biggest goof ever, because as soon as i get around her I act like a damn fool. I'm not saying I'm super cool any other time, but it's like, around her I forget all appropriate/cool things to say and do and only say and do stupid and senseless shit. Thank God she finds it charming (she told me so once or twice), otherwise it'd just be embarrassing.

We got to the place for dinner and some dranks around 8, and once again, sat and talked for hours. I'm really amazed at our ability to hang out for these long stretches of time. We have never had a short date. The shortest was the concert, and that was under special circumstances. Anyways, our conversation this time was different. I've been afraid to really open up to her about super personal stuff because I like her so much, I don't want to scare her off with some of the things I've been through. I know that sounds kinda stupid, but you don't know the stories i could tell, haha. I don't know why but I opened up to her that night, a lot. I told her one of the most personal experiences I've been through, and as I was telling her, I kept half laughing and saying. "I don't even know why I'm telling you this." I do that kinda stuff a lot when I get nervous. She was very attentive as I told the story. I could tell she was really listening and trying to understand. It was like, we weren't talking about the frilly stuff anymore. I was putting myself out there, completely vulnerable and I think she appreciated that. In fact, I know she did, because it made her comfortable enough to open up to me.

It's so interesting to me to meet people who are different from myself. I've always been an open book about a lot of things and I take a lot of risks and probably let too many people in, hence all the ridiculous stories i could tell. But for as open as I may seem, I'm very careful to let people get too close. They only reach a certain point. O.C. is a very private person. She doesn't offer up her life story or tell you all the details of her life. She's guarded, so when she finally does open up it's a big deal. She told me she's been more open with me than she has been with anyone else she's met in a long time. That's a big deal to me. I'm so happy and honored that she feels comfortable with me and is beginning to trust me. Trust isn't something to throw around, but I'm glad the possibility for that between us is there.

After we shut the place down, we drove back to her house where I assumed I'd be dropping her off. I parked in front of her place and we just kinda sat and talked little silly banter for a bit. I decdied to turn my car off at that point and said something like 'don't want to waste all my gas' or whatever and she said "actually i was hoping it'd just die all together". Haha ok it wasn't that exact quote but something along those lines where I knew she wanted me to stay with her. She then said I could come in if I wanted. Now, I work a full time job and had to be in the next day at 8:30 and it was 2am then, but when the girl you are crushing on invites you in after an awesome night, damn it you go in! Hah and i did. I realize if I had more game, it probably wouldn't have taken me 2 more hours before I kissed her, but I don't have more game so deal with it! haha We watched Chelsea Lately (hilarious, love her) til 4 and I finally said "Well, it's 4am...I should probably get home so I can... get ready for work, ha" and she made another comment alluding to me not leaving but we made our way to the front door anyway. I lingered like my totally un-suave self for a sec, and I do believe I even said "ok..I'm gonna leave now...here i go..." hahah I'm such a dork. And then I grew some ovaries and leaned in and kissed her.  And man, do I like kissing her! I hadn't kissed her like that since our first date. And it was even better this time. We kissed in her front door way for a good 15 minutes. We stopped only briefly for her to say "you don't want to go home" to which i said, you're right, I don't. And then she invited me to stay over for the last few hours til I had to leave for work. It probably wasn't the most responsible choice, or practical, but like I said, you don't say no when these opportunities present themselves. You only say yes. And i did.

We didn't do anything more than kissing. One thing I really respect about her is how slow we are taking things. Honestly, that's not sarcasm. The thing is, I've never done things the right way. I've never played by the rules. I always jump the gun and do things out of order. I am so excited to do things at a slower pace. It makes me want her more and I know if we ever do take it there, it's going to be that much more amazing. I'm excited to wait for her. This is a new feeling for me. I like it. We fell asleep together and it was pretty damn cute. I loved every second of it. I forgot what it feels like to have that closeness with someone because it's so seldom a part of my life.  I learn to deal without it, but having it is amazing. I just want to hold her, and kiss her forehead and trace her face and hands with my fingertips. As it turns out, I'm quite the sap.

Later that day, she texted me asking if I wanted to spend the night again that night. :) Yay, she does like me! Haha that's what i thought when I read that. I doubt myself a lot, i need signs to let me know she's still interested. This was a good one. Anyway, we ended up hanging out Thursday instead and she actually came with me to an open mic. I really wanted her to see me sing and i don't have any shows coming up so I thought it'd be an ideal way. I was of course a little bit nervous but mostly excited. And to my own surprise, I didn't mess up at all. I played all 3 songs the way they were supposed to go. No lyric slip ups or guitar woes. I done good! And i think she was impressed. After that, we went back to her place, got in our PJs and snuggled. Haha how gay are we? Whatever, everyone likes to cuddle, I don't care what they say!

I'm really excited for where this is going. I like her a lot. She makes me laugh, in a smart and clever way. She's witty and sarcastic as hell (soo sexy!). She's also very modest and I'm fairly certain she has no idea how beautiful she is. I like when she smiles. It makes me smile. I'm not getting ahead of myself either. There is no U-Haul in our future. I just like where this is going. She has the next couple days off from work, so hopefully we'll hang out at least once. Fingers crossed.

Ok, I have more to cover, but I'll do it in another post, so as not to write a book for this one. But yay for progress!

Success!

So drinks date went awesome!! It actually turned into dinner too. And then we went to her favorite bar after that. Her idea. I knew she had to work the next morning, so  wasn't trying to keep her out late, but she suggested the place after dinner so of course I was cool with that. I really wanted to kiss her by the end of the night. Like really, really bad. But instead, in my typical awkward fashion, I kinda stalled and made a comment about being awkward. Lucky for me, she thinks it's charming. So she told me t get in my car, which sounds mean but i think it was kinda cute. And then she asked what I was doing Saturday and said we should hang out.  :) :) :) I tried to play it cool and not smile like it was the best suggestion I ever heard, but I'm pretty sure she knew. The cool thing is she was smiling like that too.

Now, I don't wanna get tooooo excited cuz I got this excited after our first date and then I didn't see her for two weeks. But it is a little different because we're already planning to hang out on Saturday. I just really don't wanna screw this up but I'm still learning the rules of dating. I told one of my friends/college mentors that I'm pretty sure I'm gay and she was really cool about it but had lots of questions, especially about who I was dating and what the dynamic is between two women and how do you know when to call, who pays, who makes the moves, who calls who, all of that. And I was like, those are great questions and I'm just kinda wingin in on all of them! She (O.C) did pick up the tab this time for our first drinks and our dinner, which i didn't expect but it was nice. She was like you paid last time it's my turn. So she plays fair. I like that.

I'm hopeful this keeps going in a good direction. If I just play it cool, I think it will. Sounds simple. If only I knew how to do that! Ha. Basically I need to fight all my instincts and let things happen. I do have to plan something fun for Saturday. The zoo maybe? Maybe but it might be too cold. I'll keep you posted on my decision. I'm off to go recover from my St. Patty's Day  hangover!