Thinking Out Loud

My eyes are burning tonight. I've gotten entirely too little sleep in the last 36 hours. I should probably be sleeping now, but down time seems fewer and farther between anymore so I am choosing to take this time to post instead. I want to get back into writing more than once a month. Helps de-clutter the mind and stuff.

This past weekend was me and O.C.'s 1-year anniversary. If I had all the money in the world, or even just a little more than I do now, I could have done something spectacular to take her breath away. Unfortunately, I have recently adopted a fairly strict (in my terms) budget that involves a lot less spending and a lot more saving. The good news is A. she doesn't expect me to drop money on her and understands that saving is key and B. is so cute she managed a perfect date for us on a very small budget. So the day was saved and the evening was amazing even though I am a poor, starving artist.  We ended up having a picnic by the lake and then went back to her place (soon to be our place) and watched a movie, split desert and exchanged cards and maybe a few kisses. It was cute, and perfect, and made me love her even more, if you can believe that.

I'm so thankful to have her in my life, especially now as I find myself faced with truly daunting feat: growing up. I keep reminding my parents, and often times myself it seems, that I am an adult. I am 25. Good God, when did I get so old? It's scary. No one ever said it'd be this hard.  Growing up, while it is better than the alternative, sucks sometimes. It really calms me to know that I don't have to go it alone though. I have a backbone, a shoulder to lean on and a friend I can count on no matter what the occasion and it's all in my girlfriend. She tells me that I calm her, and give her something to look forward to when the days are long an stressful. I hope she knows I feel the exact same about her.

Sometimes, when I think about the future, I really can't imagine a life without her. I know that sounds  like nothing new and super cliche. Just another honeymooner, young love rant that will fade with time. But I truly do love her with all of me and would never do anything to compromise this relationship and believe whole heartedly that she feels the same for me. I trust her more than I trust myself. That's a scary and kinda cool thing. Scary, because before I met her I was pretty set in stone about not believing in absolutes. Fearing them even. Now I'm saying things like forever, and never, and meaning them. I can't say for certain when that happened, but I feel like there is no going back. Not without a fight and a shit ton of heartbreak to go with it. Fingers crossed that it doesn't turn out that way. I've tried heartache, it's good for song-writing but crappy for just about everything else. I choose love. And this time, it chose me back.

Well, I think I am done thinking out loud for tonight. It's time to rest these ojos of mine so I can be functional for another busy day tomorrow! Hope all is well elsewhere in your worlds! Peace.

365 Days Later

So today is Earth Day. That's exciting. Not because I love trees and God's green earth. I mean, I do. I'm happy to be here, but this day is special for another reason. This day a year ago, I was about to become O.C.'s girlfriend. I kid her because when she thought we had already established our relatipnship, I was worried it might not happen in my favor. Ah, communication is a funny thing. Luckily, once I confronted the issues head on, it all became clear. We were going to give this commitment thing a try. And I must say, it's worked out swimmingly!

It's hard to believe it will be a year tomorrow (well, technically today, but we celebrate tomorrow because it was so cloes to midnight by the time I asked her to be my gf and plus, who wants to share their special day with another holiday?!). We've been through a lot in this year, but when I look back all I really focus on are the good things. That's a good sign right?

A friend of mine recently became aware of my blog and read it in it's entirety for the first time. He learned a lot about me that he didn't know, but one thing he said for sure that was crystal clear is that she makes me happy. Happier than I've ever been before. It's true. I can't imagine my life without her and have trouble remembering life before it. How dull and lonely it must have been. (Well, I don't know about dull. I may have managed to make my own excitement but I'll give you two guesses how it always turned out!)

So it' me and O.C.'s one year anniversary tomorrow and I have nothing planned. I've been racking my brain trying to think of something cute, fun, creative and cheap to do. Since I'm moving in with her at the end of May, I need to be saving as much money as I can. But I've come up blank as far as ideas. I feel like a failure. I pride myself on originality and creativity and I've got nothing to show for it. You'd think she'd have a song of hers by now, but she doesn't. I've tried writing it too, but nothing seems good enough. I feel bad. I want to show her how much I love her, not just say it. That doesn't make the day special. I tell her I love her like 20x a day anyways.

I had an idea about three days ago that I thought of doing originally like 6 months ago. Although I think it's better now because I have more to work with. But I thought it might be a cute idea to take all the entries about her from my blog and make it into a little book so she could have a chronicle of our relationship from start to now. I read her my blog once back in like July of last year maybe. She has known about it since like April, but says she feels guilty reading it because it's my personal diary. I can understand that. But if I make her her own copy with only the entries about her, maybe she won't feel so bad about it and can actually have fun with it.  I think it's a good idea that just came to me a few weeks too late. So maybe this can be her year and one month gift.

I'll let you know how it goes. I know she has something planned for me because my best friend nonchalantly may have hinted towards it and then I asked her. While she won't tell me what she's doing, she has admitted to be planning something. She's so cute. Can't wait to see what it is!

On that note, Happy Earth Day and thanks for reading!

Moving Forward

So my last post is making me laugh out loud. Why did I think it was going to be a good night taking my girlfriend to the strip club with me? Haha I live and I learn, right?

It's been a good week so far. Nothing too exciting has been happening. Sometimes, just having normalcy and routine is the best thing though. Soon, the normalcy and routine will be changing, because I plan to move in with O.C. at the end of May. I've practically been living there since the summer anyways, but now I won't have to drive 25 minutes south every time I want to change my clothes or get something from my room. Cuz it will be here, with her. I just feel like the time to get out and be on my own is now. My parents keep finding it necessary to remind me that I "don't have very high earning power" which maybe is their not as cute way of telling me they don't want me to leave. But it's time. I need to grow up.

So a big anniversary is coming up. Our year anniversary. Before O.C., I hadn't dated anyone longer than about 2 months. I hated the thought of being tied down to the same person for fear of boredom and feeling trapped. But everyday is better than the last with her. She has made the best year of my life possible, even if things went wrong all around me, and they did. But she somehow makes the bad seem less bad and the good so amazing. I can't decide what we should do to celebrate this momentous day. Should I surprise her? Should we plan something together? We're taking a roadtrip to KY to see Sara Bareilles the week before, so big travel plans are probably not the way to go. Plus I'm going with her St. Louis for her brother's Commissioning in the middle of may (he's going to be an Army Officer). So that's more money and traveling. We should do something around here.

I feel like one thing I could and should do is write her a song and perform it on our anniversary. I've been trying to put all of her amazing-ness into one song and make it clever and perfect but that's a tall order, even for me. Sometimes, the closer the story is, the harder it is to write it. But it's not a reflection of her. She has been and continues to be one of the greatest people I know and there's nothing I want more than to write her the perfect song to show her how much she means to me. Maybe I'll work on that today.

On that note, I think I'm going to take off for a bit. Thanks for reading, whoever you all are! :)