I can't believe it. I actually did it. I came out to my sister. It was so scary right up until I told her, and then it was a breeze! Haha it helps that she was completely cool about it. Even said she suspected it, which was a surprise to me. I figured she was clueless, but apparently her and my mom have had their suspicions for a while now. My sister and I have always been close but I've never been one to announce my business to her. I just felt it was time to let her in the loop. I'm glad I did. And i was going to tell my mom right after, because I'm pretty sure she already knows but when i got home and asked her to take a walk she put me off and said maybe later. I was on a roll and now I'm like well whatever I guess I'll tell you later. Plus I miss O.C. and am going over her place tonight. So I can't wait around forever. haha. I sound like an impatient bitch but really I'm just needy and there is always tomorrow.
So my sister knows I have a girlfriend. She even guessed who it was. Guess I'm not so discreet after all. Although I really wasn't trying to hide it, just wasn't broadcasting it either. She asked me if I'm still attracted to guys. I said I still find some guys attractive but I have no desire to be with one. I think it comforted her to know that maybe one day I could go back to guys. I didn't say I am and always will be 100% a lesbian. I mean, I don't think I can guarantee that for anything. But overall, she took it very well. Said I'm still the same Malo to her. That made me smile. I wasn't worried she'd disown me or anything, but there is always that uncertainty looming. She did however mention that it would be appreciated on my mom's part if I did not tell my dad right now. Seeing that I still live at home and he is homophobic, we are on the same page with that. No need to tell him something that A. he doesn't really deserve to know about me and B. he will just hold against me and make everyone around him miserable as a result.
So I plan to tell my mom very soon, if not tonight then tomorrow. After that, I really have nothing else to be afraid of. My dad is too oblivious to ever figure out on his own. My closest friends and even some of my casual friends know. I mean I'm not going to go around wearing rainbows and having PDA with O.C., but it's just such a relief to know that I can be myself around those closest to me, and the rest really isn't that serious.
Okay gotta go for now. Happy Memorial Day/Coming Out Day! haha
Monday, May 31, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Dear Diary
It's scary how amazing she is. Honestly, the more i get to know her, the more i am around her, I find something new to be truly amazed with. How did this happen? How did I get so lucky? It's pretty awesome and amazing and...ok enough corny shit. Let me catch you up on what's been happening (in no particular order...)
So, first things first. The reason I haven't posted in a while is because I haven't been home to. I'd say I sleep at O.C.'s place 4-5 times a week. And if I do sleep at home I get in late and pass out. It's not an excuse. But it is a good transition into my next topic. Remember my post about being on the same page sex-drive wise? And also the one about taking things slow and O.C. being worth the wait? Well, without making anyone feel too uncomfortable, I will say this: We are and she absolutely was! And now we can't stop (who would want to?) Haha sorry TMI. But let me just say this one thing and then I'll drop it. Ok, two things actually. One, being emotionally invested in somebody makes the sex 10000x better and Two, I never knew it could be this good! Ok moving on...
So, I met her mom the other night. Nice segue right? Well it was awkward for me too! It happened in the most ridiculous way possible. Absolutely not planned and totally caught us both off guard. Now that it's over, it's hilarious. But while it was happening, I was totally freaked out! So, it was our anniversary (i know is said 4/22 was our anniversary in the last post, but my sister and her bf's anniversary is on 4/22 and that's weird to share the day. Plus it was so close to midnight on the 22nd, we just decided to round up and give ourselves our own day). So it was around 10:30pm or so and we were celebrating...accordingly ... and then after we were just laying in bed about to fall asleep. All of a sudden we hear this scratching and commotion at the front door. Now, O.C. lives close to downtown so while it's not ghetto, it is more urban than say, where I live. Naturally, we're both freaked out as to what the noise was. So we walk over, and she peers through the blinds, expecting to see an intruder and who is it but her MOM! She had a spare key and was struggling to get it working. As O.C. says, it was the slowest break-in attempt in history. So apparently her mom texted her announcing her arrival that night be we were so distracted she didn't even both to check her phone. I didn't know what to do or how to act. I even offered to leave but she said no stay, relax. So I did. Her mom came in, i said Hi thanks for scaring the crap out of us, and O.C. said i was her friend. She was very nice and thanked me for giving up my spot on the couch and bunking with O.C. for the night. Hahaha, not a problem I said. And it wasn't. Turns out, her room has a door, so we used it. And then Got. It. Onnnnn. Hahah TMI again, sorry.
So yeah, in the last week, I changed my anniversary date, met her mom, and continue to be impressed by everything about her. I'd say things are going very well. Thanks for the patience my loyal followers. I must go to bed now before my eyes explode. I'm a tad sleep deprived these days... ;)
So, first things first. The reason I haven't posted in a while is because I haven't been home to. I'd say I sleep at O.C.'s place 4-5 times a week. And if I do sleep at home I get in late and pass out. It's not an excuse. But it is a good transition into my next topic. Remember my post about being on the same page sex-drive wise? And also the one about taking things slow and O.C. being worth the wait? Well, without making anyone feel too uncomfortable, I will say this: We are and she absolutely was! And now we can't stop (who would want to?) Haha sorry TMI. But let me just say this one thing and then I'll drop it. Ok, two things actually. One, being emotionally invested in somebody makes the sex 10000x better and Two, I never knew it could be this good! Ok moving on...
So, I met her mom the other night. Nice segue right? Well it was awkward for me too! It happened in the most ridiculous way possible. Absolutely not planned and totally caught us both off guard. Now that it's over, it's hilarious. But while it was happening, I was totally freaked out! So, it was our anniversary (i know is said 4/22 was our anniversary in the last post, but my sister and her bf's anniversary is on 4/22 and that's weird to share the day. Plus it was so close to midnight on the 22nd, we just decided to round up and give ourselves our own day). So it was around 10:30pm or so and we were celebrating...accordingly ... and then after we were just laying in bed about to fall asleep. All of a sudden we hear this scratching and commotion at the front door. Now, O.C. lives close to downtown so while it's not ghetto, it is more urban than say, where I live. Naturally, we're both freaked out as to what the noise was. So we walk over, and she peers through the blinds, expecting to see an intruder and who is it but her MOM! She had a spare key and was struggling to get it working. As O.C. says, it was the slowest break-in attempt in history. So apparently her mom texted her announcing her arrival that night be we were so distracted she didn't even both to check her phone. I didn't know what to do or how to act. I even offered to leave but she said no stay, relax. So I did. Her mom came in, i said Hi thanks for scaring the crap out of us, and O.C. said i was her friend. She was very nice and thanked me for giving up my spot on the couch and bunking with O.C. for the night. Hahaha, not a problem I said. And it wasn't. Turns out, her room has a door, so we used it. And then Got. It. Onnnnn. Hahah TMI again, sorry.
So yeah, in the last week, I changed my anniversary date, met her mom, and continue to be impressed by everything about her. I'd say things are going very well. Thanks for the patience my loyal followers. I must go to bed now before my eyes explode. I'm a tad sleep deprived these days... ;)
Saturday, May 22, 2010
A quickie
I know I've been MIA lately and I'm sorry! There are updates, and they are coming soon. But not right now. I just wanted my loyal followers to know I haven't forgotten about coming out, haha.
I'm on my way out (of the house) but tomorrow I will do a real post. A good one. :) In other news, today is me and O.C.'s one month anniversary! Woohoo commitment!
I'm on my way out (of the house) but tomorrow I will do a real post. A good one. :) In other news, today is me and O.C.'s one month anniversary! Woohoo commitment!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
At least she's something to smile about
With the exception of my truly crappy day at work, life is good. Love life is good. Although maybe I shouldn't call it that. I don't want to jinx it. Isn't it funny how we can become so hyper sensitive about simple things like the common phrase 'love life', or signing a card 'Love,.." when feelings are involved. I caught myself doing that today with the card. After work, I dropped by O.C.'s, knowing she wasn't home, to leave a card in her mailbox. I filled it out right before i dropped it off, and as I was signing it, I hesitated and opted out of signing it Love,. Instead I put Miss you, and then went back and drew a little heart next to my name. It's like, I don't want her to think I'm saying something I'm not, but maybe one day i will say it, but I can't even talk about that now cuz I'll jinx it and I hope it's not too late and blah blah blah drive myself crazy a little more. It makes me laugh though.
I hope she likes my card. I happened to have a random blank Thank You note in my car and I know I won't see her til at least Saturday afternoon if not later so I wanted her to know through more than a text that I was thinking about her. She was really great today when I was at work and told her about my bad day. She was very supportive and had advice for me on what to do and I could tell she was genuinely concerned about it. That makes me smile. I feel so lucky, cheesy as that sounds. We have so much in common. She makes me laugh til no end. She turns me on like no one ever has. She is incredibly sexy and smart and so many things that I have been looking for. All in one bundle. I told her the other night that while no one is perfect and to be called perfect would be a lot of pressure, she is the closest thing I have found to it. I sometimes have trouble getting my words out around her because it's hard to describe something you've never experienced before. But she is amazing to me and I am so happy when I am with her.
I think my mom is seriously wondering about the type of relationship me and O.C. have. I've spent the night at her place the last 3 nights in a row, maybe even 4. And I used to lie and space it out more when my mom asked where I was or who I was with. But then I realized A. I'm not 14 and B. I'm not doing anything wrong. So she knows I've slept over her place this entire week. It's funny, I can hear it in her voice. She really wants to know, she wants to ask me about it, but she won't. I think part of her fears the answer and that's why. Plus, she's always been very respectful of my personal business/space. I'd like to tell her, I just don't know when I'll be able to. There's no time like the present, I know. But every time I think about it, I think of all the reasons why I could never go through with it. For one, what would I even say? 'Mom, I'm gay.' Too scary. 'Mom, I like the ladies and the ladies like me.' Too creepy. 'Mom, I have a girlfriend whose house I sleep over a lot and we sleep in the same bed but good news, I'm not pregnant!' That's actually more likely to happen. Leave it to me to make a joke out of something that really defines a huge part of who i am.
Well, I think I'm going to finish my Honey Brown beer, play a chord or two on the guitar and go to bed. I have to go into work early tomorrow to clean up the mess I made today. Figuratively speaking, of course. :/ At least I have O.C. going for me. :) Which, b-t-dubs, I told her I have this blog and that it basically chronicles our entire dating history and all my inner thoughts about her, haha. Maybe I'll let her read it eventually. Maybe. We'll see. Ok later!
I hope she likes my card. I happened to have a random blank Thank You note in my car and I know I won't see her til at least Saturday afternoon if not later so I wanted her to know through more than a text that I was thinking about her. She was really great today when I was at work and told her about my bad day. She was very supportive and had advice for me on what to do and I could tell she was genuinely concerned about it. That makes me smile. I feel so lucky, cheesy as that sounds. We have so much in common. She makes me laugh til no end. She turns me on like no one ever has. She is incredibly sexy and smart and so many things that I have been looking for. All in one bundle. I told her the other night that while no one is perfect and to be called perfect would be a lot of pressure, she is the closest thing I have found to it. I sometimes have trouble getting my words out around her because it's hard to describe something you've never experienced before. But she is amazing to me and I am so happy when I am with her.
I think my mom is seriously wondering about the type of relationship me and O.C. have. I've spent the night at her place the last 3 nights in a row, maybe even 4. And I used to lie and space it out more when my mom asked where I was or who I was with. But then I realized A. I'm not 14 and B. I'm not doing anything wrong. So she knows I've slept over her place this entire week. It's funny, I can hear it in her voice. She really wants to know, she wants to ask me about it, but she won't. I think part of her fears the answer and that's why. Plus, she's always been very respectful of my personal business/space. I'd like to tell her, I just don't know when I'll be able to. There's no time like the present, I know. But every time I think about it, I think of all the reasons why I could never go through with it. For one, what would I even say? 'Mom, I'm gay.' Too scary. 'Mom, I like the ladies and the ladies like me.' Too creepy. 'Mom, I have a girlfriend whose house I sleep over a lot and we sleep in the same bed but good news, I'm not pregnant!' That's actually more likely to happen. Leave it to me to make a joke out of something that really defines a huge part of who i am.
Well, I think I'm going to finish my Honey Brown beer, play a chord or two on the guitar and go to bed. I have to go into work early tomorrow to clean up the mess I made today. Figuratively speaking, of course. :/ At least I have O.C. going for me. :) Which, b-t-dubs, I told her I have this blog and that it basically chronicles our entire dating history and all my inner thoughts about her, haha. Maybe I'll let her read it eventually. Maybe. We'll see. Ok later!
Saturday, May 8, 2010
My Happy Place
I have a new happy place. Well, I guess it's not new. It's been developing for two months. But it's pretty well established at this point. I like to go to it even when I don't need cheering up. It's incredibly nice when your happy place is also your reality. I'm pretty lucky like that. Don't think I haven't realized that. I'm quite aware. And I won't be taking it for granted. I'm also going to enjoy it, because it's been a long road getting here!
I won't be seeing O.C. til tomorrow. The good news is though that I saw her last night. So that should hold me over for another 8 hours or so. It will be close though. I may start missing her before then. Oh who am I kidding, i miss her right now! I'm such a sap. I'm hopeless really. But I think it's a good thing. I have a surprise for her tomorrow. A small one. More of a gesture really, but it's my attempt at being cute and thoughtful. I don't want to jinx it so I won't give details til after it happens. But I hope she likes it.
Ok I know this is a short one, sorry. It's Sat. night though. I gots to go! Peace.
I won't be seeing O.C. til tomorrow. The good news is though that I saw her last night. So that should hold me over for another 8 hours or so. It will be close though. I may start missing her before then. Oh who am I kidding, i miss her right now! I'm such a sap. I'm hopeless really. But I think it's a good thing. I have a surprise for her tomorrow. A small one. More of a gesture really, but it's my attempt at being cute and thoughtful. I don't want to jinx it so I won't give details til after it happens. But I hope she likes it.
Ok I know this is a short one, sorry. It's Sat. night though. I gots to go! Peace.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Good first impression- check!
So O.C. met two of my best friends this weekend. I was excited about it actually (and only a little nervous because i really wanted them to get along). But mostly just excited, because I thought they would. And they did. We went to this trendy lounge/restaurant and got drinks and dinner. Everyone got along. And laughed. And told stories. And bonded. Historically speaking, my friends haven't always approved of my romantic interests (rightfully so), but I knew I picked a winner this time. And the feedback afterwards was positive. What a relief!
She's meeting some of my other friends tonight for a "Run for the Border" cinco de mayo race/drinking fun. Haha who combines running and beer? We do. Gosh I'm just so happy with how things are going. What the hell was I thinking with all this complicated crap before? This is definitely the way to go. Stable, healthy relationships are it, people!
OK I'll write more later. I have stuff to do. Happy Cinco de mayo!
She's meeting some of my other friends tonight for a "Run for the Border" cinco de mayo race/drinking fun. Haha who combines running and beer? We do. Gosh I'm just so happy with how things are going. What the hell was I thinking with all this complicated crap before? This is definitely the way to go. Stable, healthy relationships are it, people!
OK I'll write more later. I have stuff to do. Happy Cinco de mayo!
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