We're A Family

So it's been over a month since I posted. I know, I know, I'm a bad blogger. But I have a legit excuse this time. Her name is Sophia. She's cute, but very needy and taking up all of my free time these days. No, I am not cheating on the love of my life. We got a puppy! A yellow lab, from the same breeder that gave me my last lab, Heidi, who died in January. Sophia, while very adorable, is a huge pain in my ass. She eats any and everything her little mouth can reach, including people. She is getting better about potty training, but still I don't trust her. And the worst part of all, she has me up by 7:30 every morning now. If I make it til 8, that's sleeping in. I miss the days of sleeping til noon, only feeding myself and knowing where my shoes are.

Honestly though, I only says these things out of exhaustion and frustration. I do in fact love my little puppy and I'm glad we got her. She is almost 12 weeks old, about 17 lbs and counting and the cutest pup you have ever seen. It gets her out of a lot of trouble, including eating cat poop. Which by the way, is disgusting. We're sitting on the porch right now. She's crewing a piece of mulch and I am finally able to post to you guys (well, more likely girls).

So I went from being trapped at home with my parents, to free and uninhibited with my girlfriend, and now free but fully committed to this puppy in a matter of a month. It's working out well. For once, our opposite schedules are helping out. The most Sophia has had to stay in her crate was like 4 hours. There was an adjustment period for both O.C. and I when we realized we'd be seeing much less of each other. I never realized how needy a puppy was going to be until I had one dependent on me. We can't leave her alone for two seconds, and if I'm at work that mean she can't come inside and visit me. No dogs allowed in coffee shops. We're adapting now. I'm also adapting to having no time to do anything else. Well, more like realizing I'll have to get creative. Like bringing my laptop outside and distracting Sophia with a ball so I can get some work done. It's tough being a parent. And at least mine is cute. Imagine if she were a human. She'd only grow needier and uglier. Haha, just kidding, kids can be cute too. But dogs are always adorable.

Well on that note, I need to go pay some bills and take the pup for a walk. Please enjoy the picture below of the cutest dog ever.

This is going to be quick but that's okay. Here are some updates. First, I'm set to move out of my parents and in with O.C. by next week. I bought the car from my parents (for a higher price than I thought necessary but whatever) and will be free from them soon! Not that I don't love my parents and appreciate all they do for me, but I'll surely go crazy if I don't get out on my own like now! 25 is too old for chores I've been doing since I was 13.

I'm excited to live with O.C. I think it will work out great. We have practically been living together for like 6 or 7 months anyway. I'm excited to have my own space And also amspace where we can be ourselves. We're thinking of having a little house warming once I get settled and all my stuff put away. But we can only invite people who know about us. That severly limits O.C.s list and a little bit of mine. It just makes me realize how stupid it is that I have to hide who I am and what our relationship is. But I guess that's life and society right now. Oh also, once I get settled we're planning on getting a puppy!! Yay puppies. Yellow, female, English lab puppy. WAit til you see pictures, cutesy puppy ever!

Alright that's all for now. I gotta get ready for work. Thanks for reading my blog and bearing with the inconsistent posting. Sorry in advance for the typos!

Losing It

I’ve been super stressed out lately and losing my patience very easily. It’s especially frustrating because I have prided myself on being “the most patient person I know” for years. I find myself snapping at people I care about that are only trying to help, losing my cool in stressful situations at work and generally just feeling flustered and annoyed. I don’t know what’s happening to me but I know I don’t like it. It’s not like I’m a smoker who’s craving a cigarette or something. And I’m not pms-ing. I feel like I need to have some sort of release.  Like taking a baseball bat to something breakable or having a really good cry. I have felt like there’s another good cry left in me my over my puppy, Heidi, who died in front of me back in January. It was as dramatic as it sounds. In fact, just thinking about it makes me choked up. 

I’m also pretty stressed out by my dad. I’m moving in with O.C. at the end of the month and I feel like even though I’m doing it to get away from his need to control everything, actually cutting that cord is proving to be harder than I thought. Then there’s the whole money issue and never having enough of it. I wish my 21yr old self could have seen the importance of saving then so my 25yr old self had a better savings account. Which brings me to my job and where I am compared to where I want to be. Don’t get me wrong, I like my job but it’s tough to pay all the bills I have and will be having soon on the hourly wage I’m making. But I don’t want to be trapped in another office job I hate. That proved to be detrimental to my spirit and mental health. I need to do something I can be good at and find happiness in. Forever, that answer has been music but I’m still holding myself back. Fear of failure is actually making me fail by never trying. What a concept. 

All these things are floating around in my head and I don't know how to get a grip on them. Why didn’t anyone warn me that growing up was going to be so hard? I don’t know what is going on but I know I need to figure it out soon before everything spins completely out of control. 

Although, I will say this. The one thing that isn't falling apart or in complete disarray in my mind is my relationship. For once, that is the most sound and healthy thing in my life. Thank God for O.C. And for good friends who help keep me in check and positive when I feel like I'm losing it. I just gotta push through this rough patch.

Thinking Out Loud

My eyes are burning tonight. I've gotten entirely too little sleep in the last 36 hours. I should probably be sleeping now, but down time seems fewer and farther between anymore so I am choosing to take this time to post instead. I want to get back into writing more than once a month. Helps de-clutter the mind and stuff.

This past weekend was me and O.C.'s 1-year anniversary. If I had all the money in the world, or even just a little more than I do now, I could have done something spectacular to take her breath away. Unfortunately, I have recently adopted a fairly strict (in my terms) budget that involves a lot less spending and a lot more saving. The good news is A. she doesn't expect me to drop money on her and understands that saving is key and B. is so cute she managed a perfect date for us on a very small budget. So the day was saved and the evening was amazing even though I am a poor, starving artist.  We ended up having a picnic by the lake and then went back to her place (soon to be our place) and watched a movie, split desert and exchanged cards and maybe a few kisses. It was cute, and perfect, and made me love her even more, if you can believe that.

I'm so thankful to have her in my life, especially now as I find myself faced with truly daunting feat: growing up. I keep reminding my parents, and often times myself it seems, that I am an adult. I am 25. Good God, when did I get so old? It's scary. No one ever said it'd be this hard.  Growing up, while it is better than the alternative, sucks sometimes. It really calms me to know that I don't have to go it alone though. I have a backbone, a shoulder to lean on and a friend I can count on no matter what the occasion and it's all in my girlfriend. She tells me that I calm her, and give her something to look forward to when the days are long an stressful. I hope she knows I feel the exact same about her.

Sometimes, when I think about the future, I really can't imagine a life without her. I know that sounds  like nothing new and super cliche. Just another honeymooner, young love rant that will fade with time. But I truly do love her with all of me and would never do anything to compromise this relationship and believe whole heartedly that she feels the same for me. I trust her more than I trust myself. That's a scary and kinda cool thing. Scary, because before I met her I was pretty set in stone about not believing in absolutes. Fearing them even. Now I'm saying things like forever, and never, and meaning them. I can't say for certain when that happened, but I feel like there is no going back. Not without a fight and a shit ton of heartbreak to go with it. Fingers crossed that it doesn't turn out that way. I've tried heartache, it's good for song-writing but crappy for just about everything else. I choose love. And this time, it chose me back.

Well, I think I am done thinking out loud for tonight. It's time to rest these ojos of mine so I can be functional for another busy day tomorrow! Hope all is well elsewhere in your worlds! Peace.

365 Days Later

So today is Earth Day. That's exciting. Not because I love trees and God's green earth. I mean, I do. I'm happy to be here, but this day is special for another reason. This day a year ago, I was about to become O.C.'s girlfriend. I kid her because when she thought we had already established our relatipnship, I was worried it might not happen in my favor. Ah, communication is a funny thing. Luckily, once I confronted the issues head on, it all became clear. We were going to give this commitment thing a try. And I must say, it's worked out swimmingly!

It's hard to believe it will be a year tomorrow (well, technically today, but we celebrate tomorrow because it was so cloes to midnight by the time I asked her to be my gf and plus, who wants to share their special day with another holiday?!). We've been through a lot in this year, but when I look back all I really focus on are the good things. That's a good sign right?

A friend of mine recently became aware of my blog and read it in it's entirety for the first time. He learned a lot about me that he didn't know, but one thing he said for sure that was crystal clear is that she makes me happy. Happier than I've ever been before. It's true. I can't imagine my life without her and have trouble remembering life before it. How dull and lonely it must have been. (Well, I don't know about dull. I may have managed to make my own excitement but I'll give you two guesses how it always turned out!)

So it' me and O.C.'s one year anniversary tomorrow and I have nothing planned. I've been racking my brain trying to think of something cute, fun, creative and cheap to do. Since I'm moving in with her at the end of May, I need to be saving as much money as I can. But I've come up blank as far as ideas. I feel like a failure. I pride myself on originality and creativity and I've got nothing to show for it. You'd think she'd have a song of hers by now, but she doesn't. I've tried writing it too, but nothing seems good enough. I feel bad. I want to show her how much I love her, not just say it. That doesn't make the day special. I tell her I love her like 20x a day anyways.

I had an idea about three days ago that I thought of doing originally like 6 months ago. Although I think it's better now because I have more to work with. But I thought it might be a cute idea to take all the entries about her from my blog and make it into a little book so she could have a chronicle of our relationship from start to now. I read her my blog once back in like July of last year maybe. She has known about it since like April, but says she feels guilty reading it because it's my personal diary. I can understand that. But if I make her her own copy with only the entries about her, maybe she won't feel so bad about it and can actually have fun with it.  I think it's a good idea that just came to me a few weeks too late. So maybe this can be her year and one month gift.

I'll let you know how it goes. I know she has something planned for me because my best friend nonchalantly may have hinted towards it and then I asked her. While she won't tell me what she's doing, she has admitted to be planning something. She's so cute. Can't wait to see what it is!

On that note, Happy Earth Day and thanks for reading!

Moving Forward

So my last post is making me laugh out loud. Why did I think it was going to be a good night taking my girlfriend to the strip club with me? Haha I live and I learn, right?

It's been a good week so far. Nothing too exciting has been happening. Sometimes, just having normalcy and routine is the best thing though. Soon, the normalcy and routine will be changing, because I plan to move in with O.C. at the end of May. I've practically been living there since the summer anyways, but now I won't have to drive 25 minutes south every time I want to change my clothes or get something from my room. Cuz it will be here, with her. I just feel like the time to get out and be on my own is now. My parents keep finding it necessary to remind me that I "don't have very high earning power" which maybe is their not as cute way of telling me they don't want me to leave. But it's time. I need to grow up.

So a big anniversary is coming up. Our year anniversary. Before O.C., I hadn't dated anyone longer than about 2 months. I hated the thought of being tied down to the same person for fear of boredom and feeling trapped. But everyday is better than the last with her. She has made the best year of my life possible, even if things went wrong all around me, and they did. But she somehow makes the bad seem less bad and the good so amazing. I can't decide what we should do to celebrate this momentous day. Should I surprise her? Should we plan something together? We're taking a roadtrip to KY to see Sara Bareilles the week before, so big travel plans are probably not the way to go. Plus I'm going with her St. Louis for her brother's Commissioning in the middle of may (he's going to be an Army Officer). So that's more money and traveling. We should do something around here.

I feel like one thing I could and should do is write her a song and perform it on our anniversary. I've been trying to put all of her amazing-ness into one song and make it clever and perfect but that's a tall order, even for me. Sometimes, the closer the story is, the harder it is to write it. But it's not a reflection of her. She has been and continues to be one of the greatest people I know and there's nothing I want more than to write her the perfect song to show her how much she means to me. Maybe I'll work on that today.

On that note, I think I'm going to take off for a bit. Thanks for reading, whoever you all are! :)

It's gonna be a good night

You know when you can just tell that the night is going to go right? Tonight is one of those nights. We've both been working a ton and her going to school, so we only see each other after long days. We've been waiting for this weekend to be here and it finally is.

So two big things are happening tonight. First, I am finally meeting her friends/classmates from the program she is in. Aside from family, I haven't really met anyone in her life. Mostly because they don't live around here. But her program is small enough that the people she goes to school with are becoming her group of friends. So tonight, we are meeting them out for drinks. I'm excited. They don't know we are in a relationship, but that isn't the important part. The important part is that I am being acknowledged by her other group of friends as someone important in her life. I am excited!

Second, and this one is a biggie, after food and drinks with classmates, we are going to a strip club. Me, O.C. and my ex-boyfriend are going in fact. It's a ritual for him to take me to the strip club for the last 3 years. This year, since I am in a relationship I invited O.C. She's not as gung-ho as I am, but she is willing. And we are all going together, awkward as it may be. I know she is not attracted to other women besides me (because she's told me, not because i'm a cocky asshole). I happen to find naked women sexy, but O.C. is the only one I want to be with and share my life with. I can keep those things very separate. I think it will be a fun experience that she wouldn't normally have ever had.  She's going because I asked her to and she is willing to do things that make me happy even if it's not her cup of tea.

We're both pretty good about that sort of thing. Great, actually. It's been 11 months, and we still have yet to have our first fight. People close to us keep assuring us it will happen, almost waiting for the day. But we don't have to fight for this to be a legit relationship. I don't buy the hype. We are considerate of each other even if we don't always see eye to eye. We talk things through, instead of exchanging hurtful or emotionally charged comments that we don't mean. It doesn't mean we still in our 'honeymoon stage'. It just means we're happy and healthy as a couple. So booyah haters, WE GOOD.

Ok I just went off on a tangent that I wasn't anticipating. I gotta jet outta here, it's almost lap dance time. (I promised her one, since she doesn't want one tonight from a stranger and I have waived my right to one this time around.) I'm not a dancer, so it's a good thing she loves me!

Remind me to tell the cutest story ever next time about going back to the bar where we first met and getting the same seats and having the perfect evening to honor the best day that made our present situation possible. Oh and going to Philly on our first road trip. And moving in together. I don't want to leave anything out since I am such a sporadic poster. Thanks for reading all. HAPPY FRIDAY!